The Blue Doom FAQ

In response to the thousands of e-mails and hand-written letters pouring in to Blue Doom headquarters, the Blue Doom Crew presents The Blue Doom FAQ V1.0...

Q. What exactly is Blue Doom?
A. At its very essence, “Blue Doom” is the scientific term for the precise and inevitable moment that Eighteen’s awesome power collides with the collective will of the thousands of Blue Doom Crew members to literally rain Doom down upon the opposing team and their fans in the form of ass-blistering touchdowns. During special moments of uncontrollable Blue Doom eruption, Doom can actually be manifested by Blue Doom Crew members and stored in properly ordained wood or metal storage vessels for use at a later time. If Blue Doom were allowed to completely materialize and run amok, it would do so in the form of a giant White Steed with blazing eyes and Doom Shoes made from adamantium.

Q. So then Eighteen created Blue Doom, right?
A. Wrong. Blue Doom has always existed. It can neither be created nor destroyed. Only harnessed. Eighteen is the current wielder of Blue Doom, but many great Indianapolis Colts of the past have also harnessed Blue Doom, though obviously not to the dizzying heights that Eighteen achieves. During the 2007 season, Bob Sanders co-wielded Blue Doom along with Eighteen and was deemed the NFL Defensive Player of the Year. Blue Doom has only ever been harnessed by an Indianapolis Colt, never by a Baltimore Colt. Fuck Baltimore.

Q. What are Blue Doom Shoes?
A. Originally forged by the blue Polianic Elves of Hoosiervania in the mid 1800’s, Blue Doom Shoes are charmed, magical horseshoes made of adamantium, the likeness of which also serves as the blazing blue logo for the Indianapolis Colts. Only Blazing White Steeds can wear actual Blue Doom Shoes, while any non-douchebag can proudly wear NFL apparel with images of Doom Shoes. An actual Blue Doom Shoe will burn human skin upon contact. Any form of hand gesture resembling a Doom Shoe is considered an appropriate Blue Doom Crew throw down (never point the shoe upside down, open side up always). In an interesting side note, Blue Doom Shoes were the real-life inspiration for Luck Charms cereal, the original slogan reading, “Blue Doom Shoes, yellow moons, orange stars and green clovers.”

Q. Why does Eighteen look so much like Frankenberry?
A. It’s probably his forehead, though we can’t be sure.

Q. I’ve noticed something odd and slightly off-color on Jim Caldwell’s thin lip strip, what is that?
A. That, my friend, is just a tiny little bit of cinnamon flavor powder from a Hostess cinnamon donut out of the three-flavor variety pack. I know what you are thinking, “Hey, I thought Hostess discontinued the cinnamon flavor powder donuts from the three-flavor variety pack!” Well, they did. But Jim used his connection to Marvin Harrison to put him in touch with the Tasty Kake people who put him in touch with the Hostess people who make a three-flavor variety pack including cinnamon flavor powdered donuts special for him every game day. Called well, Caldwell. Called well.

Q. What do I have to do to become a member of the Blue Doom Crew?
A. Let me tell you brother, it’s as simple as following these three demandments:

•Believe. It’s that easy, just believe.

•Follow the Blue Doom Blog.

•Bleed Blue on game day like you were Doctor Spock. This includes, but is certainly not limited to: personal items of Blue Doom flair, Blue Drank, voodoo dolls, Power Rods, Power Chains, Power Bombs, Doom Rags, grilled Texan meat, Colts MVP Snuggers, raw Raven’s eggs, Sanchez brand hot dogs, whip fights, pone boning, sign waving, Patriot punching, Jag jacking, Titan trashing, Jet jabbing, Dolphin dunking, Bill bashing, shit talking and steed feed.

Q. Now that I am a member of the Blue Doom Crew, I feel very powerful. Is this normal?
A. Yes. Your strength and agility have been increased tenfold and you now have a swagger rating of 99.

Q. Is it okay to like any team other than the Colts?
A. Whoa there. While “hate” is a very strong word, it’s actually essential to Blue Doom. Scientists have proven that Blue Doom feeds off positive Colts energy as well as negative energy directed towards the other team. Think of your hatred of other teams as essential nutrients for Blue Doom. As a solid Blue Doom Crew member, you must hate (at a MINIMUM) the rest of the current AFC South and AFC East (though you may slightly pity the Bills) as well as Baltimore, Pittsburgh, San Diego and the entire NFC. To answer the question, no, it is not okay to “like” a team other than the Colts, though in certain instances—with one of the teams not listed—an interest level just above hate may be permissible. Such instances can only be settled on a case-by-case basis with all of the facts and motives clearly stated. While it is possible to feel hate/respect for the Titans due to Jeff Fisher and his mustache and the Patriots due to the number of classic Colts/Pats games in the past decade, pure, unfiltered hatred should be your over-whelming feeling for every team listed. That is, if you want to be a good, contributing Blue Doom Crew member, and we know you do.

Q. ‘Sup?
A. ‘Sup.

Q. What was it that Dr. Bruce Banner used to say right before he would turn into the Hulk?
A. “You’re not going to like me when I get Angerer!”

Send your questions to: bluedoom18@gmail.com

Go Horse, Blue Doom.